These people are making money, doing their jobs, but they are so annoying that I have to mentally prepare myself to weave in and out of their Tijuanaesque set ups to get to Victoria's Secret for my free underwear. I do not want my shoes shined, I don't want a plastic hello kitty case for my phone, I don't want feather clips for my hair and I really really don't want to talk to you. These people and their products are the plague of the mall. They are predators waiting for that one person to make eye contact and then they pounce.
Today I was just meeting my husband at the mall to pick up our kids. I saw Mr. Kiosk Man standing with his tiny sample of sea salt magic hand cream and I purposefully changed my path to avoid him. He must have seen my maneuver and popped up right in front of me and said in his thick exotic accent, "Come one, I'm harmless." I just looked down and said, no thanks, no thanks but my heart was racing and before I knew it the eye brow threading lady was asking me to sit in her chair, again, I rejected her, no thanks no thanks, then it was smokeless tobacco man, no thanks no thanks. Once I pass them I feel a sense of relief and accomplishment but also a sweeping layer of guilt.
What the shit is up with these people? Do they go through training on how to hassle people with their wares? The rejection they must face on a daily basis would wear me down. I'd go home and cry every night if I was rejected so many times by total strangers. When people run by you with their heads down and risk running into posts, you know your job sucks. You are the least liked people in the mall.
Many years ago though I was being polite, which I decided never to be again, and was sucked into a kiosk area where a beautiful, Brazilian islander vixen with a rolling accent asked me if I wanted some lotion. Like a moth to a flame I scooted up to her booth. She put a dollop of creamy white lotion on my hand and started to talk and moisturize my hand at the same time. I would have given all the money I had for her. She was mesmerizing and my hand felt the best a hand can ever feel. I never wanted her to stop talking to me and I didn't even care it was about lotion, I was hooked by her wiles. I bought 2 of whatever living dead salt of the life of the ocean lotion she was selling with all the money I had in my pocket, which was 20 bucks.
|This is it. That is the lady who sold me lotion.|
But from then on the kiosk people have multiplied. I can only conjecture they have small wooden huts in the middle of the mall so they don't have to pay rent in an actual store. Who are their kiosk pimps? There has to be a ring leader kiosk mall master mind who thought of putting pseudo stores in the middle of the mall to guilt people into stopping. Our parents and teachers and ministers have taught us all to be nice so my initial thought of telling them to fuck off goes against my upbringing. I can't be that mean to strangers unless they cut me off in traffic first.
Kiosk people are preying upon people's societal politeness. They are taking advantage of people by guilting them into looking at useless products in the middle of the mall when all we are trying to do is avoid eye contact with other humans and dodge people in our way. The kiosk people are getting more aggressive. If you Google Kiosk People you will others who are equally as baffled. This is a real social issue. It's our basic human right to walk through the mall unaccosted. Soon there will be a movement against them, an uprising, a revolution against the kioskers. Leave us alone, we'll shout! Americans can only be nice for so long and in Arizona in the summer the mall is supposed to be a refuge. If we all wanted to feel guilty we would go to church. We want you, kioskers, to stay on your stool. When I see you get up, I walk faster, my heart beats quicker and my eye contact shoots from side to side but not in your direction. So stop it. Fuck. Just Stop.
Links to the beginnings of a revolution: All over the country, people are getting ready to overthrow you. I tried to google, "people running into a pole to avoid kiosk people" but nothing came up. I'm going to have to create this image myself.
|How are any of these images remotely related to pole running into? Geez Google.|
Out of Control! http://blog.timesunion.com/kristi/those-mall-kiosk-sales-people-are-out-of-control/33279/
A VIDEO! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLpzQLkgBwk